You can baby proof....but you can't Tank-proof

Jim and I are fairly smart people. So when Scott first started showing signs of crawling a few months back, we figured it might be a good idea to protect our little munchkin from himself.

At first we were going to go all out on the baby-proof front, but ultimately, we opted for just a few basics, deciding instead that we would monitor Tank closely and try to teach him what he could and could not touch.

Our biggest priority was cabinet locks. We wanted to keep Scott out of the kitchen cleansers, away from the glass pots and pans and free from the tempting allure of any and all sharp objects.

Friends and online reviews led us to choose magnetic locks - which are a total pain for us, but nice and strong. The plastic part adheres under the cabinet with adhesive, and the locks don't open unless you wave the special magnet "key" in front of them.

They worked like a charm. Until a few weeks went by, and I noticed that the cabinet lock under the kitchen sink was no longer functioning. (I discovered this, I might add, when I watched Tank toddle over, yank open the door and pull out the Comet.)

Umm. Not good.

A few days later, and the cabinet door next to it also malfunctioned. I gave a gentle tug on the door and the little adhesive thingy fell on the ground.

I was stumped -- until a couple of weeks later, when Scott was in the master bathroom with me, playing with a toy while I dried my hair. He got bored, and crawled over to the bathroom cabinets (which were also locked), stood up and yanked on the cabinets' handle. It didn't budge. So it became a game. He yanked again. And again, and again. Bit by bit, the lock started loosening.

I realize I should have stopped him, but I was really quite fascinated and entertained. After about five minutes of playing, Scott gave one more big pull, and fell backwards on his butt as the cabinet door swung wide open and the adhesive lock popped off the wood.

He clapped his hands and laughed. At me, I think.

You think these locks are going to stop me? Child's play, I tell you!

Final score: Tank - 1, Babyproof locks - 0 

Mommy and Daddy? Not even on the playing field.

Operation: Baby Proof

So I've started noticing that the Tank has become a lot more "mobile" lately.

No more potted plant.

I can plunk him down, and 10 seconds later, he's maneuvered himself, via combination scoot, rock and belly roll,  to the china cabinet, the Bose sound system, the edge of the coffee table, or pretty much any other area I don't want him to be.

No one is watching...I am off! Ooh! Look what I found!

You keep saying that 'no' word mommy, but I am going to pretend I don't understand it. Cords are fun!

I shudder to think how fast he'll be once he actually figures out how to crawl.

For weeks I've been putting off babyproofing our home. This weekend, I finally decided I had run out of time.

So I did what is innately comfortable to me. I began to research. I quickly realized there is a crazy amount of stuff you can do to "babyproof" every inch of the house. One article even suggested I crawl around on my hands and  knees to get my son's "perspective" and try to understand what might be attractive to him.

Really? This is a kid who puts his feet in his mouth - willingly.
I don't think I want to tap into his perspective.

Anyhoo...I took myself down to Buy Buy Baby, where again, I was confronted with so much child safety equipment that I began to wonder if the manufacturers thought I wanted my son to live in a bubble, or if I intended to leave him home for days on end with no supervision save the dog. (Who I am sure would make a fine sitter, if asked.)

Ultimately, Jim and I decided to take the middle route. After my sister informed me in no uncertain terms that Scott, at eight months of age, is VERY capable of both learning and understanding the word "No," we opted for a combo approach.

We'd babyproof enough to minimize the major hazards and keep Scott out of the big temptation areas, but mostly, we'd rely on the tried and true teaching method.  I have a feeling "NO" is about to become a big part of my vocabulary.

I used it 51 times today -- see first paragraph about Scott rolling to china cabinet and the stereo system wires. (He also tried to eat the rocks in our front yard.)

Despite our best efforts, our "modest" babyproofing approach still set us back $200.

For that we got a lovely white metal swing door gate, which we are putting in the hallway to keep Scott from crawling into the dining room (which contains our wine cabinets and lots of tantalizing upside-down hanging stemware); a brown cushiony strip thing that stretches the length of our brick fireplace hearth (which we hope will keep him from bumping or scraping his little face and head on the corners); outlet covers; three large plastic things designed to contain stereo and computer cords; a strap system that will attach our ginormous flat screen TV to the wall so the Tank can't pull it over on top of himself; and a magnetic lock system for our kitchen and sink cabinets that we hope will help keep the Munchkin from playing with Comet or lobster picks.

Scott will get access to one kitchen cabinet. It's filled with tupperware, a wooden spoon, and a few measuring cups which will no doubt create lots of noise when he bangs them on the floor. (He LOVES making big loud noises.)

In the end though, there's no substitute for actually watching him like a hawk. Unless we need to step out for a minute, in which case I can always spend hundreds more dollars to "bubbleproof" the house, and leave him in Baxter's good care.

Me? Get into trouble? NEVER.