9/11

I've spent a lot of time reading and watching the news this week, reflecting on the 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Like most Americans, I was profoundly impacted by the horrific destruction of the Twin Towers.

As a reporter, I spent most of those early hours and days feeling like two people - the normal person who was horrified by blazing buildings, terrified workers jumping from the top floors, soot covered New York residents and visitors who fled down the streets in panic as the buildings fell - but also, the journalist who buried those feelings and went on autopilot to cover the story.

A decade later, and I still have vivid memories of where I was that day, and how I spent the hours after...the tears I couldn't hold back when I saw crowds of people lining the streets, waving signs, flags, offering bottles of water and cheers of support to the exhausted rescue workers who kept trying valiantly to find survivors.

I think, in many ways, our country has changed for the worse since then. Yes, we are resilient. Yes, we have moved forward, yes, we have pressed on. But we are angrier, and more polarized. The tone of our debate, the nature of discourse is no longer respectful.

I find it all a bit sad and depressing.

And yet, this weekend, I've found reason to celebrate. The 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks is omnipresent, like a fog that won't quite lift.

But my immediate, small, selfish and utterly self-centered little world has been centered on cupcakes and balloons and "So Big" and an utterly perfect, completely innocent, blonde-haired, blue eyed little boy who is celebrating his first birthday.

When I found out Scott was due on September 11, I hoped he would come earlier...or later...but not on his actual due date. I think my obstetrician felt the same way, because he "changed" my due date on all the medical charts to read September 12.

Ultimately, Scott was born on the 10th...but his entire birthday weekend celebration has taken place against the backdrop of the 9/11 anniversary.

And I realize now that that is okay...because he represents the future. Rebuilding. Hope.

I would like to think Scott will live his whole life without having to witness the kind of destruction and tragedy that was 9/ll, but I know its unlikely and naive of me to think he will be that lucky.

But for now, he's completely innocent and unspoiled. And as his mother, I am going to do my best to keep it that way for a long, long time.